HAPPINESS

ᴥHappiness is dancing with your wife of 54 years in a grassy park in San Diego.

ᴥ Happiness is walking hand in hand with your spouse on the sand of Newport Beach—as T.S. Eliot said in The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, “I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.”

ᴥ Happiness is sharing joy with your family. Abd-ar-Rahman III was the Emir and Caliph of Córdoba (912–961) of the Ummayad dynasty in al-Andalus and early in his career considered himself powerful enough to declare himself Caliph of Córdoba. Near the end of his reign—960 A.D.–he made this summation of his life: “I have now reigned about fifty years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honors, power, and pleasure have been waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot. They amount to fourteen.” He died in 961. Note that he makes no mention of his family.

ᴥ Happiness is taking stock of one’s life each year. If you have not been audited by the IRS, sent to jail, sued, divorced, diagnosed with cancer, had a stroke, or offended another severely, count yourself blessed and be happy.

ᴥ Happiness is finding time to laugh with your children and friends, hugging the baby, making room in your life for contributing to someone else, or using your resources to take the occasional walk along the sea strand, up the mountain path in the scent of the pines, or skipping rocks on a placid lake even if you were audited by the IRS, sent to jail for a time, divorced, diagnosed with cancer, had a stroke, or offended another severely. Carpe diem (Horace, 23 B.C.E.)

ᴥ Happiness is realizing that life is short and there is not enough time in your life to be depressed.

ᴥ “Happiness is the natural flower of duty,” said Phillips Brooks. Bertrand Russell amplified on that opinion. “The secret of happiness is this: Let your interests be as wide as possible, and let your reactions to the things and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile. If you wish to be happy yourself, you must resign yourself to seeing others also happy.” Edwin Markham got it right: “There is a destiny that makes us brothers; none goes his way alone; all that is sent into the lives of others comes back into our own.” Happiness is building your house by the side of the road and being a friend to man. (Sam Walter Foss)

ᴥ Happiness comes from knowing that you can overcome. Albert Camus said, “But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?” In almost all cases, both good times and bad times are temporary; cherish and remember the good times and learn endurance and forbearance from the hard times. “Your success and happiness lie in you…Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.” That would seem to be a pollyanish platitude, except for the fact that it was Helen Keller who said it.

ᴥ Happiness comes in small doses—look for them. Smile at a gaggle of giggling girls. Laugh at a boy stuck in a tree. Be touched by an old man kneeling to comfort his grandchild with a skinned knee. Help a child learn to walk—there are plenty of laughs there. Be awed by an eagle in flight or a hummingbird draining nectar from a flower. Smell the daisies. Go fly fishing. Enjoy the sun on your back, the breeze coming down the canyon or off the ocean, the sheer excitement and joy of newlyweds and remember when you felt that. Give. Read. Help. Pull a weed. Compliment your wife or husband and watch the expression on her or his face. Tell a weary and bedraggled mother that her children are beautiful and a pleasure to be around. Tell a husband and father that he has a beautiful family then step back and watch the glow that emanates from the mother or the father.

ᴥ Happiness is about seeking the good in life and in the world. Happiness is a real value only when it is made up of things that are indisputably good. Cultivate contemplation, pondering, thinking, and taking pleasure in learning. Help others to learn and to benefit from your experiences and insights. It is foolish to live on the surface and to place the source of happiness on things external—acquisitions, property, societal rank, or the importance of your friends and acquaintances; all of these are fleeting. Ensure that your center of gravity is in yourself and not in such ephemeral and passing stuff. Socrates exclaimed, “How much there is in the world that I do not want!” Curb and temper your ambition—remember the name of the custodian who kept your elementary school clean and always had a helping hand for a child. Pursue the simple pleasures found in work, intellectual and physical effort, endeavoring towards an ideal, and in your health. Be grateful. Be   smart enough to understand the difference between unworthy, good, and perfect. Avoid the unworthy if at all possible, and be wise enough not to sacrifice the good in the pursuit of the unattainable perfection.

ᴥ Happiness is learning not to be distracted by trifles and remembering who and what is important.  Seek your ambition, but not vain glory. Do not be satisfied by achieving honors, elections, and appointments. Actually do something satisfying and worthwhile. Write that novel; plan and build your dream house; learn to be the best in your craft; devise and bring to fruition honorable business contracts.  Have a good sense of values and live up to them. Then your happiness will lie in the fact that you will not be burdened with regrets. Sir Rabindranath Tagore was a famous Bengali philosopher, poet, writer, painter, and mathematician who reshaped Bengali literature and music. He had the humility to say of himself, “The song I came to sing remains unsung for I have spent  my time in stringing and unstringing my instrument.”

ᴥ Happiness comes from living in the real world and coming to an acceptance of what is and what can be. Deal with thoughts, ideas, and events reasonably. Listen to other people. Care for their concepts and concerns. Base decisions on what you have learned and what you know to be right. There will always be charlatans, snake oil salesmen, cult gurus, false prophets, and fair weather friends. Learn to distinguish among them and to choose wisely lest you fall prey and reap unhappiness. Imagination may allow moments of pleasure; and idealism may serve a useful purpose of providing a framework for life’s activities; but only if they are bridled and guided by your well-earned common sense. Be practical. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is not true.

ᴥ Happiness comes from having a well-developed and conscientiously maintained sense of values–an appropriate moral compass–which serves as a guide and avoids your being ensnared in avoidable traps with all of the attending negative consequences: loss of self-esteem, loss of reputation, loss of the affection of people who matter. Mencius, the student of Confucius, was once asked, “Master, is a good man a man of whom all men speak good?” He replied, “No, a good man is a man of whom good men speak good.” That is a valuable and happiness producing definition to emulate.

ᴥ Happiness comes from being for something. We live in a world where a great many good people, institutions, companies, and nations are fighting against something. There is a great need for thoughts and actions which are positive. Such ideas and actions provide the foundations of an enduringly happy life. Adopt the attitude of defending something that you believe to be right, not just what the sea of humanity around you deems to be right. See the possibilities for improvement as well as the elements of error. Create personal habits of thinking the best of other people. You will undoubtedly have your share of disappointments; but in the end your life will be richer and happier for having done so.